Pay now, Play later or Play now, Pay later???

So there are is a lot going on right now, and it's all costing a lot of money! Money, that I am working on getting by working, but do not have very much of right now because work is going slower than I would like it to. I want to do it all, but I'm afraid I can't afford it all, which means I have to pick and choose.  I do not have any $ in savings to just say ok, yeah, I can do that, and that, and that....

For starters, Chevy Boy and I want to take a vacation, which we have never done in our 3 years of being together. Well, last summer we took a 3 day trip to Reno, but that is not really a vacation. We still aren't talking about something extravagant. But a 5 day trip or so to So Cal. We want to go to Universal Studios (I've only been once for 1 day) and Disneyland (Chevy Boy has only been once when he was about 10 or so). Gotta go to Midevil Times too! Maybe Hearst Castle (everyone that has been, raves and says we gotta see it). We'd drive down, and stay somewhere nice but deffinately nothing topnotch. This would be a vacation on a budget, which is totally doable.  We keep talking about it, but other things (usually my things for work) keep pushing back our vacation.  I feel like its not fair to him to choose my career again over "us". He doesn't look at it this way, thank goodness! He is such a sweetie with a big heart that he gets now why I do what I do and what I have to do to keep my motivation going.  We were talking last night with some of the Boy's fam and they want to go too! Which would be so exciting and fun to have a group of 6 going!!! But, we are looking at going within the next 2-3 months.

Let's see, what else is going on? Day or weekend trip with my mom, aunt's, cousins, and my nanny (mom's mom) for nanny's b-day this October.  And I deffinately want to pay my own way. I do not want to lean on anyone (especially my mom because she has bailed me out enough and that's a whole nother post!) to pay for my fun. So there is about $100 for food and fun if it's just a day trip, $150-$200 if it's an over-nighter somewhere.

The girlfriends want to do a roadtrip/day trip, possibly for an upcoming Birthday Girl who deffinately deserves an extra special day. This gal is there for all of us at a drop of a hat, and always up for a good time without complaint. I also feel like she hasn't had time to "be a kid" enough throughout her life, and has had to take care of her younger siblings too often. I think sometimes she gets shafted since she is quiet and just goes with the flow and I feel deep down we should be making her birthday extra special for her to show her how much she means to us. So, here is about another $100 easy for a day trip somewhere.

Which leads me to also in October is another fun trip for work that is I know is deffinately worth going to. I know I will get the motivation and recognition I love, and the training I need to keep my business growing and in full swing. But, we are looking at at least another $300 for this. And what if none of my team members go? I know I need to go if they go. I need to lead by example. "the speed of the leader is the speed of the gang!" I get it now! But they have already  made plans before this extra job came into play, and I understand where they are coming from....either have something going on right before or right after this trip....don't want to leave kids behind for that long of a time...yeah, I get it.  And I am not going to pressure them to go. I have said my peice and I am leaving it up to them.

I feel like my career has won too many times over my personal life in the past year.  Last October I chose the career over mother-daughter time at a church retreat.  If I didn't go to Texas, Chevy Boy and I could have gone on vacation already.  Which, by the way, I am soo thankful that I did go to Texas! I know I wouldn't be shooting for the moom now with my business if I didn't go to Texas.  I am not at all blaming my business. In fact, I blame myself for waiting until now to get off my ass and move my business like I should! But we cannot go back in time and work harder in the past, so no use dwelling on that and making myself feel worse. 

I know the boss says this is all to be expected when you are moving up the ladder! Your friends and family will understand when you make it to the top and then can really afford to Play without feeling guilty. But then, when I make it directorship, I really have a whole team looking up to me that I have to be there for. So I just can't do this, or do that still. Pay now, play later they say! But I feel like the past year, I have been using company events to "pay now" and now it's time to Play with those that deserve it. This is all something internal that I need to decide what is more important to me right now.  I feel as though I owe it to everyone else (non-business people) to spend time with them now. But I have also made commitments to the career gals.  I just know whichever I decide, I will be letting some people down because I can't do it all.
I am not making any decisions now, but will jsut keep working this next week or two and see how it goes.