Bittersweet Revenge

It happened again last night. Jackass crept into one of my dreams.  It was a strange one, but aren't they all?  This time, I was "faking" being in love with him to catch him in the act.  Chevy Boy was around, and I was in love with him, but I couldn't let him know what was going on.  Jackass was getting ready to go out with the guys and I was not tagging along (just like old times).  Except this time, I knew his plan.  Jules and I were like little spies, planning on following him to see if he did the awful deed.  If we could catch him, then we would pop up and call him on all of his BS.  He would be humiliated....just like I felt when I found I had been decieved by him.

It has been 4 years since we ended things.  4 years since I found out that I was being played by a man that I thought loved me.  And since, I have found a wonderful man that really loves me for who I am, and treats me like I deserve to be treated.  But, for some reason, I just can't let this go.  WHY?!?!  Is this normal?  I just want to forget about it, and as soon as I stop thinking about it, something like this happens.  Every few months I have another dream about him, and it is usually similar to this one.  We are together, but not together, I try to hurt him, like he did me.  And I usually wake up before getting my sweet revenge.

I can remember it like it was yesterday.  Thank God for lil K being there by my side, keeping me strong.  When I found out, I met him at his house, he admitted to it when I told him I knew (at least the one time that i knew of), I emptied my drawer in his bedroom and left.  I know it would have never lasted, and that how things ended were the best and worst at the same time; I would have never been the one to call it quits. I never gave him the satisfaction of knowing how I felt, how wounded I was. I guess I wanted him to wonder about how much or how little I hurt.  Was I over him in a split second, moving on by the next weekend? I pretended I was.  I think never giving him the satisfaction of knowing that, has not given me the closure that I wanted deep down inside. I can just hope and pray that he alredy has or will someday get what he deserves.  What goes around